GI Joe: Rise of Cobra – A Very Late Review

I didn’t watch GI Joe: Rise of Cobra when it came out. One reason is that the critics love it which would usually mean I’m going to be disappointed, the other is the GI Joe that I remember do not use tech suits to enhance their physical strength so after seeing the trailer, my excitement lessened.

While I didn’t want to watch it in the cinemas, I did want to watch it someday. I was curious about the attention the baroness is getting especially after Alodia Gosiengfiao cosplayed her. The baroness back in the old GI Joe didn’t strike me as interesting. It was always about Cobra Commander and Destro. Baroness was like the token girl villain. Another thing that I wanted to see is why a lot of my friends are saying that Stormshadow was cooler than Snake Eyes. Back in the old animated series, everyone wanted to be Snake Eyes.

Well, after 3-4 months the DVD is out I was able to watch the movie with a little help of that dude by the bay.

What do I think? Well, if Michael Bay jizz his pants whenever he sees battleships, carriers and tanks, then Stephen Sommers jizz his pants on futuristic weaponry.

As stated, the story was pretty much like Xmen 1. Duke was protecting some warheads and was attacked by some high tech terrorist. Duke was saved by another group of High Tech Military. Duke joins the High Tech Military. The important warhead was  taken from his custody.  Duke saves the day in the end. Oh and he gets his girlfriend back in the end too. Pretty much like X-men 1 to me.

The Paris chase was strange too. After arming the warheads, couldn’t the high tech terrorist group get a decent mode of transportation to the Eiffel Tower? Actually, now that I think about it, they were able to build a high tech undersea base up in north pole but they couldn’t have armed the warheads themselves? Okay, now that I’ve think about it further, if they just armed the freaking warheads themselves, Duke nor the Joes wouldn’t have been able to stop them.

The part where the Joes were tricked in to re-activating the tracker on the warheads was cool until you realize that how can a high tech base like the Pit not have any sort of signals being transmitted from the base to the outside world.

Actually, with all the high tech gadgets they have on the base, they had the worst alarms in the world. The attack was in now way stealthy. Those were freaking drills that pierced the walls of the base and you’re telling me that they didn’t have any form of sensors?

And this movie was supposed to make more sense than Transformers 2? I don’t think so.


About Squared
House of Squared is written by that guy who knows more than the average Duterte supporter, which isn't saying much given that most of them are morons.

One Response to GI Joe: Rise of Cobra – A Very Late Review

  1. reizencroft says:

    “dude by the bay”, do you mean, Captain Jack Sparrow, LOL

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